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Top Interesting Facts About Martha's Vineyard

Aug 14, 2013 -- 11:50am


(Photo By: Pool/Getty Images)


In honor of President Obama vacationing on this affluent Cape Code island, we present to you the . . . 


Top Interesting Facts About Martha's Vineyard



It was named "Martha's Vineyard" because "Martha's Escape for Rich Crackers" sounded kinda harsh.



The "Martha" it's named after?  You guessed it:  original MTV veejay Martha Quinn.



It was terrorized by a toothy monster in "Jaws".  And also whenever Julia Roberts vacations there.



It offers the same seaside amenities as Florida.  Without the risk of getting shot for wearing a hoodie.



On quiet evenings, locals can hear the ghost of Ted Kennedy dry-heaving.



It's only accessible by boat, airplane, or springing off Chris Christie.



It's so white, wealthy, and affluent it almost cancels out Detroit.  Almost.



If you look at her the wrong way, she'll shank you like a prison snitch.  Sorry.  That's an interesting fact about Martha STEWART.



It's known for its beautiful white beaches.  And by "beaches," I mean, "people."



It's the number one destination for pretentious idiots who use "summer" as a verb.



The island is home to a diverse mix of white Anglo-Saxons, Protestants, and white Anglo-Saxon Protestants.



History was made on August 21st, 1986, when someone walking through town spotted a real-life Mexican.



The island is only 20 miles long and five miles wide, but it's infinitely pretentious.



It's the only place where you're considered "new money," if your family made their fortune in the 1800s, instead of the 1700s.



Poor people who attempt to swim to its shores are frequently beaten to death with golden yacht paddles.



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